The Incident

I suppose it's time Dana and I talk about The Incident.

One morning when we were both out at the farm, I was getting ready to do all the morning chores, sneaking around to keep from waking up Dana. As I reached the chicken coop, I opened their door so they could go out into their yard, but none of them wanted to go out. Being the completely sane person I am, I started talking to them, asking why they didn't want to go out into the yard. They only stared at me with their beady little eyes.

And then I saw him.

The rooster laying in the middle of their yard.

At first, I thought he was dead. He had to be, right? He didn't seem to be moving, anyway.
And then he lifted his little head up and breathed out a heavy sigh before settling his head back into the dirt.
I slapped my hand to my face and muttered an "oh no" before going inside to wake up Dana.

Dana was rolling over on the couch, probably trying to ignore me slamming the front door. But I couldn't let her keep sleeping when I was in crisis mode. I told her she needed to get her fine booty out of couch to help me figure out what to do. Naturally, we called Lauren to find out what to do.

Lauren gave us a solution we weren't too happy about.
"Well," she said. "You can either hack its head off with an axe or put it in the freezer."
Oh, yeah. No problem.
Not.

Dana and I decided that the guillotine would be the quickest way to go. Since she and I are both avid animal lovers (who like animals more than people most of the time), we wanted Senor Rooster to be in pain for the least amount of time possible. After searching through the shed for a sharp axe, we only ended up with a dull one that we were scared wouldn't quite do the job. Plus, since he was in the yard, the low netting kept us from being able to get a good swing in. But we were determined to help out poor Rooster (who, btw, will have his name revealed to you in a post to follow).
We entered the yard, armed and ready. Dana lifted the netting so that I could get in a good swing. Just as I was getting myself all ready to go and follow through with murder, poor poor Rooster looked up at me with his sad eyes and let out a pitiful "bbbbbbraaaaaaaackkkk."
Which was followed immediately by my similarly pitiful, "That's it. I can't do this."

At this point, Dana decided that she wanted to shoot it. Which, quite frankly, would have made this whole ordeal quite a bit easier.
No go.
(Who are you that you don't have chicken-shooting guns, anyway?)

She and I, therefore, set out to freeze Rooster. We found a postal box (which hopefully you didn't want to use in the future), some garbage bags, and a shovel and headed back up to the yard. But once we got ready to scoop him up, he was so obviously in pain that we just couldn't do it.
So we decided again to axe it.
And then gave up.
Decided to freeze it.
And gave up.
Decided to axe it.
And gave up.
Decided to freeze it.
And succeeded.
We had to use two shovels and scoop him up from either side, but we did finally get that heavy load into the postal box. We covered him with the garbage bags and carried him out to the back porch freezer.
Wanting to insure his quick death, we turned the freezer up to Arctic, shut the door, and left.

Poor Rooster.
Poor Dana and Kelly.
Poor freezer holding the dead body.

I'm never eating chicken or chicken by-products ever again.

--Kelly (and I'm sure Dana will tell her side of the story soon)

Secrets Secrets Everywhere

Well Fenners,
It seems I've discovered your secret.
You're kleptomaniacs.
I realize the temptation to steal is quite large when most retail employees these days are absolute ding bats, but that's no reason to take a pair of pants! Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Speaking of stealing...
Consider this book stolen.

I think it will fit in nicely with my collection, thanks.
--Kelly

CRAZY SKIES

so the crazy fog ROLLING in was quite fun

the moon was wild!

-- Dana

Kelly Dish Be Clean

{yes i was standing on the counter when i took this}

-- Dana

Laire's Time to Shine

The Pide Piper

Jordan discovered that where ever the dog toy went, Laire went. Let the Morgan torture begin.

{Laire was gathering the toy in the kitchen, morgan waits in terror}

Bedtime for Bingo Bango & Bongo

This is how bedtime goes down:

i sleep on the couch in the piano room which is my favorite cause it smell like Jenn. When i am all settled in my couch Laire usually jumps up and wedges herself in between me and the couch breathing wonderful doggy breath into my face {i only gagged once}. this lasts only for about 5mins, then she settles on her own bed. NEXT Beatrix scans the horizon for villeins and flies while perched on the back of the couch looming over me. THEN Mikey joins . . . last time there WAS a fly buzzing in the window so that provided 10 mins of extreme entertainment and roll playing as they both took on the characters of Sherlock Holmes and Watson to search for the bug. AFTER the inspection of the room is done Mikey settles down by my legs and Bea likes to snuggle up right by my face. Sometimes they tag team and switch. They enjoy waking me up with their butts in my face or looming over me like i was a germ in a petri dish.

-- Dana

Mikey Mouse Man of the Hour

Since Kelly and I are the only ones in the house, the cats have become wild for attention. They sit and watch TV with us, go to the bathroom with us, mow the lawn with us and demand hugs and kisses.

Mikey flirts with us all the time . . . here he can't choose which lap he wants to dig his little dagger claws into so he chose the middle of the couch . . . i think he thinks its his pride rock.

{Mufasa Mikey - his wrestler name if he ever were to go pro}

-- Dana

Coon a Loon

HELLO AMAZINGLY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS!

long time no see. i know im sorry i haven't been able to go to the farm for a while. but here i am now!!

so when i was feeding Laire Bear i hear a little rustle on the ground and Lord Bartholomeus love a duck look what i found. a lil raccoon a loon. we had a nice conversation about flashlights and refrigerator magnets which didn't last to long cause he was late for a meeting.

{yeah those lil dots, thats him}

we also encountered a skunk while driving up the drive way. he was bookin it up the hill like a frightened kiwi bird. it all happened so fast i couldn't snag a picture. i know you really wanted to see it but im just not that fast with the camera.

-- Dana

5 Things...

...to do at the Fenner Farm when you get bored without internet connection or cell phone service:

1. Clean.
You already knew this one though.

2. Watch old 1970's episodes of the Match Game.
Funny. Inappropriate. Candid. Excellent. But seriously...what is up with all the creepy old men kissing women on these old game shows!! I realize the whole hippie love movement was in full swing, but come on!! Blechh.

3. Sit on the back porch and stare off into the abyss and then get freaked out when you realize you've been doing it for so long.

4. Goad the goats.
It's best to stand on the porch and wail back at them when they cry like little human babies. And then when you go down to feed them, pretend like you aren't going to. Feeel the power.

5. Use Beatrix and Mikey as weights while you do squats.
I would recommend starting out with Mikey since he weighs less. He, however, also struggles more. Beatrix is more difficult to hold because she's so blobby, but you'll ultimately get a better workout with her.

Memories, All Alone in the Moonlight

In case you've missed your kit-cats and their brawls and want to remember them vividly:

The Fight

The Stand Off

The Attack

The Corner-Look

And Peace. For Now.

--Kelly

Fenner Find of the Day

First of all, running change total...
$28.39!!!

And I really hit the jackpot today with all the little knick-knacky things I found, so I'm going to have to spread them out over a few days.
Today's though...

I have decided that these white speckled Ikea mugs are my 3 favorite mugs in the house, and I refuse to use any other mug from now on. This morning I actually stretched past about 20 other ones to get to the last clean Ikea mug on the top shelf. What can I say. I know what I like.

Morning on the farm.

The only good part about waking up is coffee in your cup.

--Kelly

Cheeeeekens

This was taken before "the incident."

I will never eat these eggs.
I will never eat these chickens.
I will never eat the bull.
The thought just makes me sicken(s).

I'm running out of room in the fridge btw. What should I do with the old ones? And by that, I mean, is there anyone whose house you would like us to egg?

--Kelly (and Dana's camera)

Down on Fenner Farm There are Some Really Noisy SheepGoats

Today, wonderful readers, we talk about the goats and sheep.
These animals have four legs, a bristly sort of fur, and loud human sounding cries.
They also like to clamor around and knock their feeders over when they get excited for food. (and as a side note, I've only missed throwing the hay into that back feeder twice. Thank you, thank you, please quell your applause. It's embarrassing. No really, stop. I could never accept your WNBA offer.)


And here below are the ravenous goat-sharks eating.

Today, one goat in this pen who has horns got his head stuck in the fence and then refused to let me help him out. He kept trying to maneuver his head through one of the other holes, making him look like a thread in a loom. Then every time I would push his head back, he would only push back, apparently thinking it was some kind of see-who-can-push-the-hardest game.
I eventually just cut his head off.

Just kidding.

The good part about this job is that I get to hold a knife. Which I have since misplaced. I had to use mini hedge trimmer things this morning.
And my nails were wet, ok!! It's not like I'm always this dainty and delicate.
Then again, maybe I am.
--Kelly (and Dana's pictures)

Fenner Find of the Day

Lovely Readers,
First of all, I would like to say welcome to Granpaw and Granmaw! I feel like the 2 of you should be involved in this somehow and let us know how Winnie is doing.

Also, I'm saving our big news story until Dana and I can write it together, seeing as it was quite possibly the most traumatic experience of our collective lives.

So for today...
Running count of loose change on Fenner Farm...
Drum-roll please...

$5.35!!!!!!!!

Go out and buy yourselves something special you crazy kids!
Too bad you don't have it now, otherwise you could have bought some more Tiger fudge.
Deeee-licious.

--Kelly

(P.s. I'm going to keep updating you on the change I find. Who knows. You could end up being millionaires!)
(Oh and this count includes the rusty porch pennies. Hopefully those weren't there for some kind of long-term science experiment that's been occurring for as long as I can remember)

Fenner Find of the Day

Hello Lovely Readers (i.e. Fenners),

Since Dana has thus far been Bogarting the posting, I figured it's about time I stick my 2 cents in.

I've been spending a lot of time out on the farm re-organizing and control-freak-cleaning the house in my spare time. This whole organization thing seems to be a latent gene that has just appeared. Thanks a lot, Mom.

But anyway...
In my cleaning attempts, I've found quite a few...mmm...interesting things.

Today's:

...you guys got some SPLAININ' to do.


Oh and Mikey tried to escape today. Good thing he's not a normal cat who would rather have wet food over dry food, and all I had to do was shake the dry food to make him come running back.
Weirdo.

--Kelly

Beatrix Potter

Beloved Wonderful Follwers,

On behalf of the International Insane Cat Society {IICS}, I would like to introduce you to Beatrix Potter. Do not let her sweet sky blue eyes and velvety pink nose fool you. She is psycho, crazy, cracked, nuts, lost her marbles, and beyond all help. She enjoys dancing across the floor toting q-tips and pencils. She is very much a morning cat I have discovered, as she bounces across the couch shoving her face in my hands demanding for a pet. She too is a bob tail Siemens rescue cat . . . which is probably why she is partly . . . no not partly . . . more like 98% unwell.

{i went upstairs to get her and she was all set up for a glamor shot}

-- Dana

Crime Scene Clean Up

Dearest Wonderful Faithful Readers,

Everyone gags . . .
what makes you gag is the key here. We found what makes us gag . . .

Have you ever seen vegetable barf? No, not someone barfing up vegetables . . . but the actual vegetable its self vomit up its own filth and grime. Well we encountered this very thing. We should have been wearing HazMat suits when we began our journey-- nay QUEST-- of clearing out the refrigerator. I am exaggerating a whole heck of a lot. No but really . . . decide for yourself.

{Kelly polishing the shelves}
{please notice the PLETHORA of chicken eggs in the drawer}
{the 1,000 jars of P B & J}

{the unknown creature living in the veggie drawer}

--Dana

Mikey

Hello My Dear Sweet Followers,

Let me introduce you to Mikey {which is short for Michelangelo}. He is a feral bob tale Siemens rescue cat that Jenn adopted just last year i believe it was. Now Mikey is a very smooth talking spindly legged bandit of the night who DECIDED to get a badder infection {to put in the simplest terms} RIGHT before Jenn was going to leave on her family vacation. Splendid time Mikey {yes we all thought so too}. Anyhoo, here he is in his most proudest moments. ENJOY.

{kelly has this amazing ability to read cats minds}

{watching TV with us on the couch}

{devouring his wet food as well as getting food wedged in his cone}

-- Dana

The Teeniest Feather Could Knock Me in the Gutter

Hello Our Extremely Faithful Followers,

Welcome to the adventures of Kelly and Dana as we house-sit for the Fenner Farm!

Since the Fenners like to go on wildly crazy adventures across the country, and since we love them so dearly, and since they're a little cracked, they leave their farm (including their goats, chickens, cats, dogs -- and the occasional bull) to Kelly. And since Dana is home for summer vacation, plus a fellow animal and Fenner-lover, she is forced to come out and help against her will.

Things happen. And since you are so very faithful and love to hear every aspect of not only our lives, but the Fenner's as well, we thought we'd share it all-- yes every last bit-- with YOU!

You may regret reading this. We're nearly 100% sure.

--Dana and Kelly