SHARKWEEK KICK OFF PARTY

our shark week kick off party feast.

Back on the Farm

For only a couple of days this time.

But I've already gotten to deal with an anorexic Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (I'm assuming that's what he is anyway) and one more hollowed out dead chicken.
Thank you world for dealing me those lucky little cards.

It's also Shark Week though. That makes everything better.

So Long, Farewell

And so we bid a fond farewell to the farm, at least for now.
No more morning hay tosses.
No more over-feeding Laire in hopes that she'll get too fat to jump on my face when I'm on the couch.
No more killing half-dead roosters...

Maybe it's not all bad that it's ending.
So until next time...
We bid you...
Adieu.



And in our soon-to-be filmed adaptation of this song,
Liesl will be played by Jenn (Ha. Champagne. Get it.)
Kurt will be played by Dana (Can't you see the resemblance?)
Brigitta will be played by Kelly (Cute, adorable, and running away from huge crowds of people. And the farm)

--Kelly (obviously, since I made Dana be Kurt)

Part IV:Andrew

"I think THIS one's the right one!"

Andrew doesn't like having his picture taken.

...But his muscles do!!!

"Seriously...stop"

"I'm going to punch you."

"...With these guns!"

Family portrait

Not everyone in the family cooperated very well.

Dana using Kelly as a surfboard.

Part III: Jimmy

Face-melting drum solo.

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIWIIIIIIIIPEOUT

Pa-rum-papum-pum

Off to the baseball game after a hard day's work on the farm.

And I'm SUPER excited about it!!

My nickname on the team is "Herdsman"

The best part is that this was completely accidental. NOT STAGED.

Don't hurt the dino egg.

Too late. It's cracked.

P.s. Dana almost stole those overalls. Beware.

Part II: Jenn

Jenn getting ready for a night on the town with her hot military boyfriend.

Jenn kissing Mikey goodbye before work (and accidentally getting hair on her clean scrubs. oops.)

Rawr.

Eye spy a ghost.

Bedtime for Bonzo.

Part I: Ma and Pa

The following posts are part of a collection we like to call "Dress like your favorite Fenner."

Mama Fenner in her Saloon Barmaid dress, canoodling Mikey.

Mama Fenner reading. Shoeless of course.

Tom both on and off duty. He is buff.
Note: Cyborg in the corner.

Mikey walks across the bed.

Rooster No More

Dear Splendidly Fabulous Readers of Reads Ville,

It is time for me to convey the "Incident" from my brain. Kelly has already provided you with her half, now i shall give you mine. Morbid thoughts and all {my dad is attacking the cat with balled up paper towels} . . . put your seat belt on America.

Let me begin by telling you that i don't really remember much . . . just kidding.

Ok so as Kelly has told you before, she was tip toeing around doing the chores, which was unnecessary because i was awake when the sun cracked {more like lazered it was so bright} over the mountains into the window and straight through my retinas and into my brain. {didn't have the same effect like it did on John Travolta in Phenomenon} . . . ANYWAYS.

So i was battling Bea and Mikey for the None Butt in Face Award {i know that makes no sense, don't worry about it} when Kelly burst through {or walked through} the side door by the bath room that goes into the garage and told me i needed to come with her.

She told me that Rooster was just sitting there, and something had attacked it. I thought bob cat? or maybe a coyot . . . to this day we are not sure. We're thinking about getting CSI down here to see what they can figure out.

ANYWAYS - - we {me and kelly} made our way down the wood steps in the garage. out the side door . . . which the 2 barn cats were happily eating their breakfast . . . then across the green grass and up the hill to the chicken COOP.

AAANNNDDD there - - - THERE ==> on the ground at the far left in the pen was Rooster. Poor little moo. All helpless and lying down. Eyes closed, flickering open from time to time.

"MAN DOWN!!! MEDIC!!!" - i either said this out loud or in my head, i forget.

So i circled around the back and inspected the gaping bloody wound that seemed to infect the entire back of Roosters hind parts.

AND it began . . .

The call to Lauren. The search for the none existent SHARP axe and the lame none to be found chicken killing boom sticks {guns}.

Then we decided to axe it:

"i just don't want to axe it, what if it doesn't go all the way through"

"i'll axe it"

"i don't want you to have to axe it"

"i don't want YOU to have to axe it"

. . . . ten minuets later

"i just don't want to axe it, what if it doesn't go all the way through"

"i'll axe it"

"i don't want you to have to axe it"

"i don't want YOU to have to axe it"

i did think about the fact that if i did axe Rooster, the angle we were standing in would in fact be a target for flying guts ad limbs that might decided to catapult themselves at us from the force of the axe.

AND then it was shovel it into a bag . . . and freezer it.

and then back to the axe and then so on and so forth.

FINALLY - i wouldn't take "no shovel Rooster into the bag" and thought if Kelly had a shovel, then we could work together and use the shovels as chop sticks. bloody chop sticks.

IT WORKED!

Rooster in the bag . . . into the freezer and there he stands {sits}

we had to wash the shovels off . . . they had Rooster's blood oozing all over it. I think a kidney was left behind as well.

END

The Incident

I suppose it's time Dana and I talk about The Incident.

One morning when we were both out at the farm, I was getting ready to do all the morning chores, sneaking around to keep from waking up Dana. As I reached the chicken coop, I opened their door so they could go out into their yard, but none of them wanted to go out. Being the completely sane person I am, I started talking to them, asking why they didn't want to go out into the yard. They only stared at me with their beady little eyes.

And then I saw him.

The rooster laying in the middle of their yard.

At first, I thought he was dead. He had to be, right? He didn't seem to be moving, anyway.
And then he lifted his little head up and breathed out a heavy sigh before settling his head back into the dirt.
I slapped my hand to my face and muttered an "oh no" before going inside to wake up Dana.

Dana was rolling over on the couch, probably trying to ignore me slamming the front door. But I couldn't let her keep sleeping when I was in crisis mode. I told her she needed to get her fine booty out of couch to help me figure out what to do. Naturally, we called Lauren to find out what to do.

Lauren gave us a solution we weren't too happy about.
"Well," she said. "You can either hack its head off with an axe or put it in the freezer."
Oh, yeah. No problem.
Not.

Dana and I decided that the guillotine would be the quickest way to go. Since she and I are both avid animal lovers (who like animals more than people most of the time), we wanted Senor Rooster to be in pain for the least amount of time possible. After searching through the shed for a sharp axe, we only ended up with a dull one that we were scared wouldn't quite do the job. Plus, since he was in the yard, the low netting kept us from being able to get a good swing in. But we were determined to help out poor Rooster (who, btw, will have his name revealed to you in a post to follow).
We entered the yard, armed and ready. Dana lifted the netting so that I could get in a good swing. Just as I was getting myself all ready to go and follow through with murder, poor poor Rooster looked up at me with his sad eyes and let out a pitiful "bbbbbbraaaaaaaackkkk."
Which was followed immediately by my similarly pitiful, "That's it. I can't do this."

At this point, Dana decided that she wanted to shoot it. Which, quite frankly, would have made this whole ordeal quite a bit easier.
No go.
(Who are you that you don't have chicken-shooting guns, anyway?)

She and I, therefore, set out to freeze Rooster. We found a postal box (which hopefully you didn't want to use in the future), some garbage bags, and a shovel and headed back up to the yard. But once we got ready to scoop him up, he was so obviously in pain that we just couldn't do it.
So we decided again to axe it.
And then gave up.
Decided to freeze it.
And gave up.
Decided to axe it.
And gave up.
Decided to freeze it.
And succeeded.
We had to use two shovels and scoop him up from either side, but we did finally get that heavy load into the postal box. We covered him with the garbage bags and carried him out to the back porch freezer.
Wanting to insure his quick death, we turned the freezer up to Arctic, shut the door, and left.

Poor Rooster.
Poor Dana and Kelly.
Poor freezer holding the dead body.

I'm never eating chicken or chicken by-products ever again.

--Kelly (and I'm sure Dana will tell her side of the story soon)

Secrets Secrets Everywhere

Well Fenners,
It seems I've discovered your secret.
You're kleptomaniacs.
I realize the temptation to steal is quite large when most retail employees these days are absolute ding bats, but that's no reason to take a pair of pants! Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Speaking of stealing...
Consider this book stolen.

I think it will fit in nicely with my collection, thanks.
--Kelly

CRAZY SKIES

so the crazy fog ROLLING in was quite fun

the moon was wild!

-- Dana

Kelly Dish Be Clean

{yes i was standing on the counter when i took this}

-- Dana

Laire's Time to Shine

The Pide Piper

Jordan discovered that where ever the dog toy went, Laire went. Let the Morgan torture begin.

{Laire was gathering the toy in the kitchen, morgan waits in terror}

Bedtime for Bingo Bango & Bongo

This is how bedtime goes down:

i sleep on the couch in the piano room which is my favorite cause it smell like Jenn. When i am all settled in my couch Laire usually jumps up and wedges herself in between me and the couch breathing wonderful doggy breath into my face {i only gagged once}. this lasts only for about 5mins, then she settles on her own bed. NEXT Beatrix scans the horizon for villeins and flies while perched on the back of the couch looming over me. THEN Mikey joins . . . last time there WAS a fly buzzing in the window so that provided 10 mins of extreme entertainment and roll playing as they both took on the characters of Sherlock Holmes and Watson to search for the bug. AFTER the inspection of the room is done Mikey settles down by my legs and Bea likes to snuggle up right by my face. Sometimes they tag team and switch. They enjoy waking me up with their butts in my face or looming over me like i was a germ in a petri dish.

-- Dana

Mikey Mouse Man of the Hour

Since Kelly and I are the only ones in the house, the cats have become wild for attention. They sit and watch TV with us, go to the bathroom with us, mow the lawn with us and demand hugs and kisses.

Mikey flirts with us all the time . . . here he can't choose which lap he wants to dig his little dagger claws into so he chose the middle of the couch . . . i think he thinks its his pride rock.

{Mufasa Mikey - his wrestler name if he ever were to go pro}

-- Dana

Coon a Loon

HELLO AMAZINGLY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS!

long time no see. i know im sorry i haven't been able to go to the farm for a while. but here i am now!!

so when i was feeding Laire Bear i hear a little rustle on the ground and Lord Bartholomeus love a duck look what i found. a lil raccoon a loon. we had a nice conversation about flashlights and refrigerator magnets which didn't last to long cause he was late for a meeting.

{yeah those lil dots, thats him}

we also encountered a skunk while driving up the drive way. he was bookin it up the hill like a frightened kiwi bird. it all happened so fast i couldn't snag a picture. i know you really wanted to see it but im just not that fast with the camera.

-- Dana

5 Things...

...to do at the Fenner Farm when you get bored without internet connection or cell phone service:

1. Clean.
You already knew this one though.

2. Watch old 1970's episodes of the Match Game.
Funny. Inappropriate. Candid. Excellent. But seriously...what is up with all the creepy old men kissing women on these old game shows!! I realize the whole hippie love movement was in full swing, but come on!! Blechh.

3. Sit on the back porch and stare off into the abyss and then get freaked out when you realize you've been doing it for so long.

4. Goad the goats.
It's best to stand on the porch and wail back at them when they cry like little human babies. And then when you go down to feed them, pretend like you aren't going to. Feeel the power.

5. Use Beatrix and Mikey as weights while you do squats.
I would recommend starting out with Mikey since he weighs less. He, however, also struggles more. Beatrix is more difficult to hold because she's so blobby, but you'll ultimately get a better workout with her.

Memories, All Alone in the Moonlight

In case you've missed your kit-cats and their brawls and want to remember them vividly:

The Fight

The Stand Off

The Attack

The Corner-Look

And Peace. For Now.

--Kelly